That’s just it.
There is no fancy title.
There is no captivating introduction, no eloquent wording.
It is only me, shedding the mysterious layers of who I am as a person, a woman. Well, not all of my layers. I have to keep some of those to myself.
I might as well let you know now that there might be a few grammatical errors throughout. I’m typing this off the dome, which I normally don’t do. Don’t count it against me or deem me a lazy writer. Look at it as pure form, coming straight from the heart. *smiles*
2016. Hmm. Another year to get it right, no? I’ve never been one to set new year’s resolutions, but there are many things I’d like to improve that are within my reach. Like, I wish to work on my inner self. Here’s what I mean.
I am love. I am love. I can’t stress that enough. The longer I live life, the more I realize just how much love is in me; so much love it’s boiling over, that’s how it feels. I am a spirit who is giving. A spirit who loves deeply, passionately, unapologetically. It is how God created me, I can’t help it, it is my nature. But often, I’ve been afraid to express that part of me to others. In a selfish world that says not to do or give nice things to others unless it benefits self or it is deserved, people like me struggle with that. I have no problems with giving, that’s not what I’m talking about but rather listening to others idly talk about the things they may want or need and actually giving it to them without second thought. The fear of rejection or to simply be taken advantage of, or even to become a burden to someone by being too overwhelming in showing this kind of love has hindered me from revealing that side of me. That’s not who I am and to hold back is suffocating me. So, as an act of obedience, I wish to learn how to answer the call to show acts of love and kindness whenever the inkling awakens in me to give to someone who may not necessarily be in need or show some form of love even if it’s just a phone call. No longer can I worry with how it will be receive or perceived by the receiver; that’s not my concern. I know it’s crazy. I’m crazy.
Relationships. I’d like to work on those, too. I wish to deepen my relationships with the people I’ve allowed in my personal space. To surround myself with people who bring positive energy. People who are more optimistic than I am. I need to feed on optimism, really. I want to learn more from the people I’ve chosen to remain friends with. I honestly don’t think most people who call each other friends don’t really know who the person really is. I want to really get to know who they are, what they like, what they don’t like–learn who they are as a person, a human being, a spirit.
Lastly, I wish to strengthen my faith in God and not waver between what I think I heard when He tells me to move in a direction my human reasoning is uncertain about.
Each year I live by a motto. Veritas lux mea is my motto for 2016. If you follow me on any social media outlets, you may have seen it somewhere on my profiles. Veritas lux mea is latin for “Truth is my light” or “The truth enlightens me.” It’s time that I live by my truth. I can’t hide my true self anymore. Learning to let go while allowing discernment to guide me is the only goal I have for the new year. It’s the only way I can have true happiness. Veritas lux mea.
Signing off. Here’s a little theme music, lol.
How much would it cost to buy your love?
One one-way ticket. *haha*
What’s the best concert you’ve ever been to?
Prince in 2004 during his Musicology tour. It was such a surreal experience. I couldn’t believe I was there!
Do you believe that dreams can sometimes predict the future?
I do think some rare individuals do have dreams (visions). I wish a few of mine would come true in my future.
Do you like high heels?
The older I get, no. I’m into menswear for women. I’m a fan of brogues and smoking slippers at the moment.
What’s your favorite drink?
Who would you most like to be stuck in an elevator with?
I think I should keep the answer to this private.
What do you think of tattoos?
I don’t mind them. I would like a sleeve or a hand tattoo, but I don’t think it will be wise.
Have you visited any art galleries or museums recently?
I haven’t. I want to start, though.
What do you say during awkward silences?
Nothing. I just clear my throat.
What’s the movie that made you cry?
Ah, there are several. I don’t really cry often, if at all. The most recent one I’ve seen (Life of Pi) made me really sad.
Do you believe that each individual on Earth has a soulmate?
Isn’t having one soulmate somewhat limiting?
What’s your favourite chocolate bar?
Contrary to popular belief, I’m…?
Talkative. Get to really know me and you might want me to shut up.
Are you a good liar?
No. I’m a terrible liar. *laughs* I’m too honest to be a liar.
How would you like to celebrate your next birthday?
With someone special.
It seems now more than ever people are becoming more acceptable to the idea of dating outside of their race. Personally, I think dating someone who doesn’t share the same racial background can be exciting whilst learning about each other’s differences–it positions you to discover something new about that person’s culture. I’ve found, though, that while cultural differences do exist, several commonalities are often present.
There is absolutely nothing wrong about wanting to only date someone from the same race just as there is nothing wrong with wanting to date outside of one’s race; people like what they like. But for the skeptic who can’t score a date because they are still waiting for the that special someone who shares the same culture, I challenge you to reconsider your preferences.
Check out this post from one of my favorite bloggers.
What’s your favorite seafood?
Somewhere between crab and grouper.
Do you want to be famous?
Yes and no. Yes, because I want to be given a platform where I can Give God the honor and glory and tell others how He got me to that point. I also want to show a different side to being a Christian. On the otherhand, I don’t want the stress of my every move being scrutinized. I’d definitely be one of those extremely private “celebrities.”
Hugs or Kisses?
Hugs. They feel really nice.
Have you ever fired a real gun?
Yes. But at an inanimate object, I swear.
What’s your favorite phrase in a foreign language?
What is the most beautiful language?
Generally, people would say something like French or Portuguese. I’ve fallen in love with the Korean language, however. It’s difficult to learn because some of the words have unusual sounds. But the lilt, the various honorifics, and even the sounds are all beautiful in my humble opinion. I can’t wait for the day when I’m able to speak it fluently. (I’ve a long way to go.)
There are so many other languages that are just as beautiful, of course.
Would you rather be a lonely genius, or a sociable idiot?
Lonely genius. I think I already am. *laughs*
Do you collect anything? If so, what is it?
Odd rings. I haven’t bought any in awhile, but I’m thinking of starting a collection of watches, too.
Whom do you really love?
What is your favorite dog breed?
Siberian huskies. Hopefully, I will have one someday.
What is the best way to learn a foreign language?
The best way? Be around someone who speaks it fluently as their native language. Or you could immerse yourself in the culture and learn that way, too.
What is the most dangerous thing you have ever done?
Shoot a gun.
(Don’t worry. It was in a controlled setting.)
Are you happy with the amount of information in your head?
Not at all. *laughs* I wish my brain had an off switch!
Do you prefer day or night?
Night. I tend to function better.
What do you think people think of you?
I believe people think I’m socially awkward, which I am. But I often feel that I’m misunderstood. I don’t reveal the real me to everyone–even close friends. If I did, they’d probably think I was a weirdo. When I’m really comfortable I can be funny and ridiculous. I rarely show that side of myself to others outside of family.
Lately I’ve been consumed with all things pertaining to love. I’ve even convinced myself to believe that Spring is really the cuffing season of the year (sorry, Winter). Love is in the air, and everyone is basking in it, so it seems. This month’s music discovery fits the scenario wonderfully.
When I listened to “To Love You Back” by Jamie Grace the first couple of times, I cried like a baby. Meditating on the lyrics, I reflected on how God loves me despite my imperfections, my sins, and how I don’t have to feel guilty when I focus on His undying love for me. Then I started thinking of how wonderful it is to have someone to love me in the same capacity; that was when the tears really started to overflow.
Jamie sings about the kind of love I believe we all long for deep down. A love from someone who has a selfless heart. Wouldn’t that be the greatest thing of all much like the commandment itself? I strongly believe that this kind of love (agape love) is the love God intended for us to have in our significant relationships but only so many fail to reach.
There’s nothing more I can say but only to suggest for you to take a listen to the lyrics and imagine having such a love where your significant other loves you just as God loves you. You’ll likely not want anything short of it again.
(Either the day of or the night of our wedding, I don’t care. This song will be played.)
Jamie Grace – To Love You Back (Official Lyrics Video)
The following are questions others have asked me in the past. More to come.
What’s your favorite method of shopping?
Online. I don’t like going to the shops to look and buy unless I know exactly what I am looking for.
What is your zodiac sign?
Would you leave your home country for the one you love?
After much prayer and if we were for certain getting married, yes.
What’s your favorite dessert?
Doughnuts. I seriously, probably could eat an entire box of Krispy Kreme…by the dozen. Turtle ice cream pie is another favorite.
Do you have phobias?
I have a phobia of spiders and snakes. I hate seeing either one.
How would you like to be remembered?
I want to be remembered as a woman who always kept her word.
What do you like to do on a rainy day?
Do you believe in aliens?
I’m an alien. So, yes, I do. 🙂
Do you care what other people think of you?
To a certain extent, but only if it is because of my integrity. My integrity is more important to me than a reputation. I have a nonchalant approach most of the time when it comes to people’s opinion about me. In the end, people are going to think what they want to and they have that right. It’s not up to me to try and change their opinion. If they don’t like me, chances are I don’t care enough to even realize it.
What is your idea of a romantic evening?
I like to keep it simple and not so elaborate. The two of us listening to chillout or jazz music while drinking the finest wine–the entire bottle. We wouldn’t need to say one word. Our eyes would do the talking.
If you were to give someone a tour of your hometown, where would you take them first?
I would take them to the Civil Rights Institute. I think anyone who comes to Birmingham should go since the Civil Rights movement began here. Afterwards, I would take them to one of the many stellar restaurants in my city to discuss the impact of the movement over a wonderful meal.
What can’t be bought with money?
Love. Well…some people have to buy it. *laughs*
If you could change one thing in the world, what would it be?
Racism. It’s such an ugly thing!
What are you obsessed with?
Music. Definitely. It’s almost like a drug for me.
What kind of guy do you NOT like?
I don’t like guys who use harsh, profane language. It doesn’t do anything for the listener or the conversation. I also don’t like guys who need help with approaching me because they come off as being weak. I like confidence. Asking my friends to “put in a word for you” is a surefire way for you to get the boot. Just approach me even if you think I will reject you. I don’t bite. *laughs* Sensitive/spoiled men are a major turn-off, too.
Per a girlfriend’s request, I was supposed to write about what it’s like to be an introvert. Initially, I shunned the idea and told her I didn’t know what I could possibly say that would be any different from what’s already been said. That was several months ago. And while I had intentions to write about the life of an introvert anyway, I never started on it like I have other entries waiting to be published. That is why I am sharing this post from a fellow blogger instead. I’m not being lazy, I promise. OK, maybe a little. But I enjoyed reading lotusgirl80’s insightful version so much I could not not share it.
Click on the link to read her take on the idiosyncracies introverts have in common:
I will say that this blogger’s opinion is 110% on point. To further support her basis, I want to exemplify some of the points made in her article.
Number One: Introverts are not the chatty type. Talking for the sake of avoiding the silent barrier that often forms between people we’re attempting to get to know is very tiresome for taciturn introverts like myself. Mental fatigue is the best way I can describe this. We’re internal creatures, so our minds are constantly on all the time. When we meet someone, we may appear to be socially awkward and shy to them. People mistakenly think I’m shy, but I’m really not. It’s just that I’m such an observant person who has to process the information my mind is collecting in a social setting. If that makes me socially awkward, then so be it.
As for being an internal creature, I can know exactly what it is I want to say aloud. Actually saying it aloud is another story. Articulating my thoughts can sometimes be challenging. What I intend to say comes out the wrong way, and so it often results in people being offended or feeling like I’m being too harsh in my judgment. Or what I intend to say sounds strange and unfunny when it was funnier in my head. So failing to articulate my thoughts result in me keeping my thoughts and feelings to myself.
Number Two: I find it amusing how my girlfriends are sweet enough to ask me to spend time with them or go to the big party of the weekend when they know I’m most likely to say no than I am to say yes. I do have my moments when I want to hangout with my girlfriends and have a good time (I rarely invite them out unless I’m absolutely bored and want to go dancing), so I’m not anti-social; not completely anyway. I find that once I’m out somewhere, after so long, I need to leave. I need to leave because when there are too many things happening at once and I’m around too many people it tends to drain my energy. Not physically but mentally. Social settings can be too much of a stimulation to the brain, so an introvert like myself has to remove herself from that setting to recharge the energy she has lost or else she will shut down. I’ve found that two hours is the most I can do. Anything above and it becomes grueling to just try to keep the party going.
Attending big parties or even a gathering with more than four people is a bit too much for me; however, I will admit that sometimes, especially when it comes to gathering with friends, I prefer for it to be with a large group. That way I won’t have to talk as much. The ones who are the gregarious types can have the spotlight and I don’t have to worry myself with trying to entertain a conversation. The downside to gathering with several people at once? The pressure to say something, anything, out of fear of appearing to be the weirdo of the bunch who hasn’t said a word all night. The perils of being an introvert, I tell ya!
Number Three: I can play instruments. I have a creative mind (I write fiction for crying out loud). And I daydream a lot (for an adult). Does that make me a nerd? Not really. I prefer the word eccentric to describe the creative side of me. It sounds cooler.
Number Four: I like receiving tangible gifts as much as the next person. Gifts that are created by the hands and from the heart are the ones I cherish the most, though. I’m a total sucker for handwritten (even typed) letters. Making a meal for me when I don’t expect it warms my heart. I remember when I spent the night over at the same friend’s house, she had made a breakfast sandwich for me. I didn’t expect that from her. I thought I was going to have to go to the kitchen and make my own breakfast or grab some from the McDonald’s on the corner. But she did that for me and I thought it was very sweet of her. (But she’s always doing thoughtful things for me, so that’s nothing new.)
I’m not great at picking out Hallmark cards to give to others, but I love receiving cards. I still have cards from my loved ones and old friends from my high-school days. I will, however, give you a letter. If I need to express my deepest feelings or if I don’t have a tangible gift to give someone for a special occasion, I will give them a letter . . . typed. (My handwriting is too unbearable to read. After all, I am an introvert whose mind is constantly going. My handwriting reflects that.) Oh, and big displays of affection (incessant compliments, too) are a turn-off. That’s why it is not a good idea for the guy to propose to me in a public place or even in front of family members. When in doubt always keep it simple.
Number Five: Whatever you do, don’t you dare ask me too many questions; that’s my job when getting to know you. And please, I beg you, don’t let your questions be too trivial or too vague or too open-ended. When I was somewhat
dating seeing this guy, every time I talked to him or whenever we went out, he would always start the conversation with, “Tell me something good,” and he would always want to know what I did for the day. I dreaded having to talk to him because I knew the question was coming. I found myself trying to think of something to say prior to our causeries and outings just so I would be prepared for his repetitive inquisitions. I don’t like talking about myself; never have. Even if it’s something as simple as talking about how my day went, I just don’t enjoy doing it. I’d rather talk about things that reveal the character of a person: memories of their childhood, their favorite foods, the last movie they watched, et cetera. Mundane things don’t interest me. Talking is my time to escape from the ordinary things of life (remember, I daydream a lot). I’ll answer your questions, but please believe I’m secretly hating you for doing such a cruel thing to me.
Introverts are nothing but aliens compared to our extrovert counterparts. That is to say, we really do alienate ourselves from the world because our inner world is entertaining enough. And speaking of extroverts, I admit I do like being around them the most. Whether I need an extrovert as my mate, I don’t know yet. What’s important is for him to understand that when I say I need a break or for him to not talk to me, I mean just that and I need for him to grant me that request without being offended. The same can be said for friends. Luckily the real friends who have known me for a long time understand that I can’t deal with high-maintenance kind of friendships. A few of them still call me a “stranger” and it’s annoying when they already know that I’m not going to call or text them every week to see how they’re doing. Months go by before they see me or even hear from me most of the time.
So if you know an introvert, try not to make false accusations about their temperament. Understand their characteristics and let them know that you understand them. For understanding their characteristics goes a long way with these types. Demonstrate patience in getting to know your introverted friends or significant other and you will discover how absolutely amazing and exciting they can be as they unveil their many layers. Do this and they will appreciate your commitment to getting to know them in the long-run.
The following are questions others have asked me in the past. More to come.
What inspires you?
Honestly, music does. My music catalogue is ridiculous and so versatile. Whenever I sit down to write, my soul is sensitive to everything. I can watch others and become inspired to take cues from their lives and situations. When I hear music, though, it incites my creativity. It’s weird.
Where is the most fun place you have ever been?
Disney World. *laughs*
What is your ideal type?
A man who is sure of himself emotionally and spiritually. I’m naturally inquisitive, always eager to learn, so he should be able to teach me something new yet be teachable as well. A man who shares my fashion sense would be great. A guy who is very funny goes a long way with me, too. As long as I am attracted to him on some level, he will get far in catching my attention.
Favorite Childhood Morning/Evening TV Show? (i.e. Fraggle Rock,Eureka’s Castle, Double Dare, etc)
Just one? That’s hard. When we (my family) had HBO I loved watching Fraggle Rock. From Nickelodeon, Eureka’s Castle. Guts! was one I dreamed of competing on. For the sake of one answer, I will say Lamb Chop’s Play Along was my favorite show. (But I loved so many! And still do!)
Favorite ninja turtle?
Donatello…I think. Or was it Raphael? Raphael.
How do you learn best: by listening, watching, reading or doing?
A combination of all, really. But I learn quicker by doing. I’m a hands-on person.
What question do you hate to answer?
Why I am single. I think this has to be one of the dumbest questions ever.
What’s the first thing you notice in a person of the opposite gender?
The way he’s dressed. I like a man who is comfortable with fashion since I tend to express myself quite a bit through clothes. He doesn’t need to be a “pretty boy,” but he definitely needs to be dressed well in order to catch my eye.
I don’t have a favorite restaurant because I love to eat anything and everywhere. I just love food haha.
Do you prefer tea, coffee or cocoa?
Hot [french vanilla] cocoa. I like tea, too. I don’t particularly like to drink a lot of caffeinated drinks.
Have you ever been to Jamaica or any other Caribbean place?
I haven’t! I really, really want to go to Jamaica.
What’s the craziest/wildest thing you’ve done in college? btw….Jamaica is awesome. You should plan a trip and go asap, with friends of course…YOLO!
I was the one who laughed at all of the foolishness around me. I’ve always been pretty level-headed and mature for my age. Some may say it’s because of being a Virgo, I don’t know. But I’ve never been interested in doing wild things for the hell of it; even now. On top of that, I was in a serious relationship at that time, so I wasn’t thinking of wild partying and drunken nights. That’s not to say I didn’t enjoy my time in college because I did. It just wasn’t in a typical way…like in the movies.
If you could only pick one….Reeses or Kit Kat? And yes, there is a right answer =)
I like both, but there’s just something about a Reeses cup.
(Did I pick the right one?)
What is your idea of perfect relaxation?
Me, alone, with a glass of wine and jazz or chillout music is good enough. I often do this when I want to unwind.
If you could hang out with one male celeb and one female celeb, who would it be? sidenote: Reeses…yes!
(YaY!) For a male celeb, I’d love to spend a day with Choi Seunghyun, who is a Korean rapper that goes by the name T.O.P of the group BigBang. Of course, I don’t know him and it will never become a reality, but I think it would be a blast to hang out with him. But really he is my [male] fashion icon. He is in my opinion the best dressed man I’ve ever seen, so I admire him for his fashion sense. For female, I would love to spend a day with Tracee Ellis Ross. She’s a sexy woman for so many reasons. I can imagine trading hair secrets with her and maybe hinting at me wanting her gaudy jewelry, especially her trademark doorknocker earrings and unique necklaces. She seems like she is a fun woman with a bright spirit who gives off positive energy. I could use more of that in my life.
I’ve been exercising my spiritual life, building on top of the faith I already have. I’ve always been a spiritual (read, not religious–there’s a difference) person for as long as I can remember, but I’m not to where I want to be in my walk of faith yet. It’s an ongoing fight, especially when situations arise from the adversary that are there to test my faith in God. Sometimes I stand firmly; sometimes I fall, often resulting in me asking God to help me with my unbelief.
Recently, I’ve been “fighting the good fight of faith” regarding a promise I’ve received from God, which is a big move at stake for changing my life. Some days are easy while others are much harder when the promise looks like it’s not going to be fulfilled. Cue Tye Tribbett’s “If He Did It Before . . . Same God.” The aforementioned song has been on heavy rotation every single day in the last couple of months. No, seriously. I play it just about every single day before I go to work or whenever, no exaggeration. Even on the days when I don’t play it, if by any chance I’m listening to the radio, the radio DJ plays it. Even the choir at my church sung it yesterday, that’s just how much I hear the song. It’s one of the many songs I never get tired of. That’s a good thing since there’s such a great message in the lyrics.
When I listen to “. . . Same God” I’m reminded of how God brought me through so much in my and my family’s life. I’ve said many times before that I’ve never had a prayer to go unanswered by Him. Tribbett’s song helps me to remember that, so I make sure I remind myself by listening to the song and remembering God’s promise every day. (Of course the production is fire, too.)
Peep the video below for a live performance of the track to understand why I get amp’d for God at all. (I had the pleasure to see Tye Tribbett and his band perform last year at my church. They really are that energetic on stage the entire time during their set while singing live, minus the lip-syncing.)